Hello, my sweet friend,🌻Â
I wouldn't believe it if I told myself I slept before 11:00 pm last night and woke up to see my Substack alarm go off.
Consistency has always been a difficult one for me. I either struggle with keeping up with it, like this one, or just plateau, which is happening with working out. Or something totally unexpected happens (like an injury or unplanned travel) and throws me off the rails.
And yes, to the 'Atomic Habits' loving folks, this might seem like excuses. And no, I haven't read the book. There still isn't a Kindle version, but I've heard enough about it to know about the book, lol.
But this is just how it is, and no matter what I see on my timeline or FYP about building habits over time, and the results it brings from being disciplined and consistent, I just struggle, really bad. And then I beat myself up about it when I do struggle.
Now I feel like this would turn into a rant, so bear with me.
All of the morning/evening routines, 5-9 before/after 9-5 that I see don't show me everyday things like doing the dishes or the laundry, cleaning the house, spending time scrolling the phone, or being on the phone catching up with family and friends—and these are just a few things I do regularly when working from home.
I sometimes think that full-time work might help bring more balance into my life and even stability, I suppose, not just financially but also in terms of having a structure.
As much as I love being able to plan my day and wake up at 09:00 am or even 10:00 if I don't have any morning meetings, on difficult mental health days when I feel extra exhausted, this isn't very fun.
And please, I want you to know that there is nothing here that I wish to romanticise.
I'm keeping this short this time because I am still very exhausted. My work travel is done, and I'm still recovering from it. I've not fully processed everything during the last week to ten days, and I feel very overstimulated by being around that many people for many days at a time. I'll write more about it in the coming weeks, but until then, here is a little postcard of me from earlier this week, as promised, from the Maldives.
![Me on the beach at sunset. Me on the beach at sunset.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffc9dc6a2-87fc-4ab1-b312-3e90a4d29887_1200x1600.jpeg)
I hope you have been as well as one can be during these times, and I hope you find joy in what you do. Thank you for being here and bearing with me.
Love,
Seni🩷
#ThinkSunny🌻
Dear Seni,
as someone as struggling with habit building and sustenance, as well as currently part-timing (which somehow feels like two-timing) andor freelancing, I feel every bit of this newsletter with every fibre of my being. Especially the bit about how the ordinariness of living is often not accounted for in these productivity guides. Someone I once met provided a scientific theory to the popular stereotype that brawny people are dumb - carbohydrates are brain food, and so because they starve themselves of carbs, the brain slows down and sometimes atrophies. I am BA English, just like you, and have no way to confirm or deny it, but it kinda made sense to me.
It makes me wonder about (highly) productive people- are they productive because they lack humanity and human foibles like doomscrolling or an unscheduled catch up with fam or friends via text or call? But aren't those the things that make live worth living? The sambol/achar to our heaped ass plate of very bland, very under seasoned rice?
Just random thoughts tossing around an empty head on a Saturday morning.
You keep writing girl. Some of us are reading between our joint pains.
Mog assundi,
Kevin